-I dedicated this poem to my bestfriend/sister that has a big part in my teenage life even if we’re thousands miles away from each other.

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A crowded place
No space to breath
Haunted memories
Always lurking beneath

I look for peace in the noise
To forget was to medicate,
Blind and set on anything
That might dull the wrenching ache

Walking in memory lane
Can’t seem to go through,
My life will never be the same
But I know that I am with you

In the moonlight
I wish on the stars that you were there insted of being there,
One day I will feel your warm embrace
And no more tears will fall down from my face

I became what I was running from
I embodied the dark, the pain
But your love awoke the good in me
And you carry me through each day

Today, your voice rang clearly
Through the chaos of my fucking world,
So I’ll find the beauty, I’ll live for everyone, for you
For the butterfly chasing girl

There is so much more to life
For now I know it’s true,
That’s why I spend my time
With your words, surviving my life

I know you understand
Till then live the life you have,
I want to see you happy
It’s hurt to see you sad

So one day we will meet again
But only when the time is right,
When I step out of the darkness
I will be standing in the light

I became so much stronger
Than I have ever before,
I’m putting the night behind me
So I can open a new door

-I prepared this speech when one of our teacher got curious about “same sex marriage”.

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Same sex marriage is between partners of the same sex or same gender that can be recognized in some jurisdictions. In my opinion, Same sex marriage is a basic human right and an individual person choice and we should not interfere with same-gender couples who choose to marry. Discrimination frays the human spirit. I personally don’t see any reason not to allow it, why disagree? does it make us less human for loving the same sex marriage? Yes i’m a Christian, I believe in the name of God not because I was told but because I fear God. We as Christian follows God’s eternity, For virtually all of church history the people of God have held that homosexual behavior is sinful. This is still the case for the vast majority of Christians around the world today. At the heart of the claim that the Bible is clear “that homosexuality is forbidden by God” is poor biblical scholarship and a cultural bias read into the Bible. The Bible says nothing about “homosexuality” as an innate dimension of personality. Sexual orientation was not understood in biblical times. There are references in the Bible to same-gender sexual behavior, and all of them are undeniably negative. But what is condemned in these passages is the violence, idolatry and exploitation related to the behavior, not the same-gender nature of the behavior. There are references in the Bible to different-gender sexual behavior that are just as condemning for the same reasons. But no one claims that the condemnation is because the behavior was between a man and a woman. Ending discrimination enhances the human spirit and makes all our lives better. If it makes you uncomfortable to support gay rights, that is fine. If it makes you uncomfortable to think about someone having sex differently than you, that is also fine.Your discomfort does not mean that you should push to restrict what is right for someone else’s life. Consider that you probably feel a little uncomfortable thinking about your parents’ sexual preferences too. We’ve all got to stop labeling gay people based on how they like to have sex. Brain scans, religion, and biology show that people really are different, our society is different today, and the existence of homosexuality in our species is natural and occurs in all species. This being the case, we should support people who are different and allow them to live life to their full potential, to reach their full happiness, and most fulfillment. You should support marriage equality.Stop using the Bible to attack the rights of others. It is time to move on. We can view things differently when new information arises.The strength of the bible is that it raises so many moral topics for us to debate and converse about. The strength of your human brain is that you can change your thoughts beyond any religious text when society learns that something is wrong.There are hundreds of things the Bible used to express as normal practices that civilization has moved beyond. That natural progression is to our benefit. It is time to move forward on the issue of marriage equality. We have evolved our views on many other issues in the bible, this one will be no different. Support marriage equality.

"For all the tiredness, our smiles are worthless."

MSEUFCI celebrated their foundation day last January 22-24, 2019. It is for the 27th year celebraton. Foundation day is the most fun and enjoyable event in our school which shows the best of all that they has to offer such as interesting activities, exhibits, booths, quiz bee, pageant, field demonstration etc. The field demonstration are all the students wait to come. All students are part of this program. Before the day, we are having a general practice at the patio where it will be present. It was a sunny and tiring day but I never felt it because I enjoyed it with all my classmates. And the day has come, all waits and tiredness is over. January 23, 2019 is the day we presented it at the patio in front of many people. At exactly 1 o’clock the program began. The first grade who performed are the Grade 7 students followed by Grade 9, Grade 8, Grade 10, College, Grade 11 and lastly Grade 12. Nearing the end of the performance of College students, we are all excited and at the same time nervous to perform our dance steps. However, while we’re performing it, we enjoy every beat of the music and playing with the steps just to overcome our nervous. After the performance, I felt relieved, contented and happy because finally it was done. I felt relieved because I made it. I had overcome my fears. Contented because I know that I made my part since I gave my best for this performance. And happy because I believed that all of my tiredness has an exchange of good grades in our subject in Physical Education. That day, I realized that I enhanced again my skills in dancing. It was an unforgettable experience that I had encountered for being a student of this school. I am thankful to be part of it because now I did and I can show myself in lots of people. I love it because it helps me to grow as a human being. It has created meaning in my life, it is a daily realization. It is not easy ‘cause honestly it’s hard, but its power makes a difference in my life of my being student. I am also thankful to all my teachers in P.E., especially to Ms. Dianne Solares, my current teacher, and to Ms. Elen Marquez, the head teacher of MAPEH, for teaching us and exposing ourselves in many people. It was indeed a successful program, glad and so proud to be part of the MSEUFCI family. We vow to do better next year and also for the following years to come.

-spoken word poetry by me 🙂

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Love? Love? Love?
Do I still feel the love after all the pain I got to my life?
Yes, I do
Love is what we need
love is what we hate
love is for everyone
love is anytime
but the real love has a right time
the real love has a perfect time

Here I am, standing in a difficult position
position where love affects me so much
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
All I know is I’m standing here, expressing my feelings and just to confess with you
just to confess to you

I thought I found the love
I thought I found the real love
I thought…, I thought I found the happiness
but it’s only up to that
the pain will never be lose
the pain and the love that bring your life, our life to be miserable
love is the most wonderful thing to have,
but difficult to earn and most painful thing to lose
and that shit love…, that shit love is a really poisonous
A poison that would kill you anytime and would kill someone anytime
and that is what I’m scared of
I’m scared when that time happens
because my love is the cause behind your pain
my love is your pain
I tried to built walls around my heart
just to stay be by your side
because you told me, you told me that I am your strength, I am your happiness
but my love is your pain

I told you that I don’t want you
I told you that I don’t need you
I told you that I am not happy with you
But that would be a lie
I know I’d only hurt you
I know I’d only make you cry
I’ve made mistakes
but I couldn’t want it
I don’t wanna see you crying and hurting because of me
I hope someday you can
You find some way to understand I’m only doing this for you
I don’t really want to go, honestly
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
sorry, I need to sacrifice
sorry, I need to hurt our feelings
sorry, I let you get away
but this can’t be how our story ends
it’s just like an end of one of a chapter of a book but still has a next chapter
And I wish for the next chapter that I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need.

Do you ever feel like you’re destined to be alone? Am I destined to be alone? Why is it me?

I’m Chandria Nicole Gamboa and this is my story, our end story. But this is not a love story, it is not what you’ll expect. It is the story of an end that I never expected either. It is about life with the touch of love. I had always loved, the magic of love even if it seems like love is not something for me. I was so eager to feel the magic of love that I tried to get into a relationship three times but all failed to last long.

I met a boy, my first boyfriend, but he left me for another girl. My second one, apparently he fell out of love, and my last one was a total jerk. He was not the man I thought he was. After those failed relationship, I started to question myself, “What was wrong with me? Why are they all leaving me?”. I slowly gave up on love, life and even myself. I was a total wrecked, I felt that my family hates me and my friends gave up on me too. I was left all alone, by myself. Until someone came into my life, someone who can understand me no matter what and someone that changed all that in my life. I met someone, he was a friend of a new friend of mine and he started talking to me. At first, I was not interested since he seems creepy, who suddenly text me. But he was persistent, and so I replied back. Few weeks past, I found myself smiling as I read his text messages containing his corny jokes. We continued exchanges text messages. Every “good morning” to “goodnight” conversations everyday was what keeping me alive. I admired him for being a real man, his words always struck me and he always knew what to say. He was like my ideal man, I guess. He has the similarities to my dream boy. He was a breath of fresh air, he was someone that I needed, an eye opener. I shared my pain with him, and he was just there waiting for every detail I was typing. He’s ready to comfort me all the time, to tell me that “it’ll get better”and “I’m always here for you. Promise”. And for once after a while, I felt like I was not alone anymore because he was there, always. Later on, I found myself falling on him. My feelings can’t be put into numbers nor words but here I am expressing myself in different kind of ways that I know. And then I found out that he feel the same. Everyone can say that it’s too fast, and yes it’s true. Physically I am miles away from him but mentally I found him deep down my heart. The hardest thing on moving on is letting go of something that I’m not used to, and I’m open on moving forward with something. Life is beautiful if you know how to look. I drew a circle around my love instead of a heart because you see, a heart can easily be broken but a circle will forever go on. I don’t want to be a Romeo and Juliet nor the Prince Charming and Cinderella. I just want to make my own story. Now that I have him, I’m afraid of losing him. We have a love hate relationship. Love to hate and hate to love. A type of friendship makes me feel obnoxious for being real. I hate him so much, that it’s impossible not to like him. I like him so much, that it’s impossible to hate him.

Until one day, everything has change. I thought that was another hope, but our time ended. He suddenly left, without a word, a goodbye. I texted and called all the time, everyday until I get the message of “this person isn’t receiving messages at this time.” I feel broke, because I was left all alone again. “What happened between to you, us? What happened to your promises of always being there?”, those questions that comes to my mind. Our story did not even started yet, it already ended. Tears falling from my eyes as I watched the stars fading and the sun started to rise. I knew this is a perfect moment to smile but for me it is perfect to replace my heart thinking that it’ll never beat again like the stars in the sky that can’t never blink again. I wonder what was it feel for them leaving someone who truly loves them. Why do they need to let you fall if it’s in the end they don’t gonna catch you, and then left you all alone. As I wipe my tears, my emotions slowly fades away. My heart shrank and scattered all the pieces. My hope started to rise again but it immediately fades as I watch the man that I love getting away from me. A tears escaped from my eyes when those words went out from his mouth, “Do i know you?”. I stocked on the place where I stood. And I asked myself, “Why do I need to suffer like this? Why of all sudden? Really? It’s me?”. I wanted to let the black hole gets me. Without a word, without any emotions, he walks away. He left me all alone in the air, so now here I am staying alone and hard to get back to my place. But then I realized everything. Maybe there’s a reason why we met. I have learned a lot of lessons of life from him. I learned how to realize everything, how to give worth and value myself, and to love myself by my own even without any people. He taught me how to be strong and independent. And I thought this happened was part of growing up and how to be mature in self. After all the realization, I’m still waiting, still hoping that someday someone can see my value, someone can love me by their own way and not by showing myself to them. Because if I fail again, I know how handle it and to look on different angles. I embraced God and He knows what He will do let me rest for the rest of my life.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton